Hi All. I've been a member of this forum for awhile, but this is my first posting. I read one of these stories last night and it reminded me of my history. I can't exactly remember what age I was when it started, but I know I was in my early teens, like 14 or 15. I was searching my dad's porn stash and I stumbled upon a video of a guy getting dildos, objects, and ultimately hands put up his rear (no it wasn't my dad). My first reaction was to turn the VCR off but curiousity got the best of me and I continued watching. Eventually the film was over and I went to another one that was more "normal" and finished my business. A little while later I was taking a shower, which was a normal place for me to masterbate, and something kind of struck me. I figured I'd try a finger and see how it felt. Oh my god was it amazing. It didn't hurt and I soon found myself trying more fingers over a couple of weeks. Fingers became boring after awhile and I started looking for other things I could try. I ended up putting a half use bar of soap in a plastic bag and  tried putting that up there. That became the normal for awhile and I remember being so happy when I was able to put a brand new dove bar of soap up there as it was pretty big.

I moved onto trying to put various bottles up there and as stimulating as it was, I never really felt like it was enough. I was probably 16 or 17 by this point. I remember dreaming of the day I would meet a girl and we would play with various objects and toys, and maybe even fist each other. It was a distant dream and I found myself playing in the shower less and less. I would still do it occationally, and would go through periods of weeks where I would do it at least once a day, but "normal" sex just became more interesting. I eventually met a girl who let me fist her, but that was the extent of it, but that brought a lot of those old feelings back. My occational sessions became more of a daily activity for the whole time we were together. A couple of girlfriends later I met a girl who was a lot more adventurous. Still to this point though I had never brought up my shower activities or anything like it to any of my girlfriends. I just never felt like anyone would be interested in it and they would think I was gay. This girlfriend even asked me, maybe 3-4 weeks into the relationship, if I had ever tried a finger up my ass. I told her no and we went on with our relationship. Eventually I had the guts to move her hand down to my asshole during foreplay. She was surprised but enjoyed doing it. She had pleasured two boyfriends before me that way and was into it. I thought I had met the woman of my dreams. She never really wanted to put more than one finger up there though and I wanted more. Lots more. We bought some toys near the end of our relationship and had at least one really good night of fun before the end was in sight. Right before we broke up I went to the nearby sex shop and bought a nice big dildo. I can't recall which one it was, but it was maybe 1.5 inches in diameter and 10-12 inches long. I had no problem taking it all the way the first time. My ass was hungery and I just couldn't find anything to fill it right.

After we broke up I moved back in with my parents. I had a lot fewer opportunities to play with my favorite toy in the shower, but I would find myself waking up at odd hours of the night, reaching over to my toy's hiding place and ramming it up my ass for an hour or so. I was still looking for "that" girl. I hooked up one night with an ex girlfriend that was into some kinky stuff and we talked about fisting one night. She thought that i meant fisting a girl when I meant fisting me. She had a fascination with gay guys, in the same way guys obsess over lesbians, and so when I finished fisting her one night I asked her if she would do me in return. If she was wet while I fister her, she was damn near oozing while she tried to fist me. Unfortunately we ran out of lube and so she wasn't able to push her hand all the way in.  We talked for weeks afterward about trying again but it never timed out right as I was working a lot. She ended up meeting a guy who was bisexual and we haven't talked much since. We did talk from time to time about going dildo shopping and then trying the toys out on eachother but that never happned.

Soon after I met the woman that has become my wife. We have great sex and a loving relationship, but she really thinks any kind of anal play is disgusting, and so I have had to relocate my hobby back to the shower. My hiding spaces became fewer and fewer and eventually I had to throw out my favorite toy.  I would go months after that without even thinking about it and then something would stir and I'd be in the shower again playing with my ass. Last year while at a work retreat I spent almost every moment in my hotel room naked and trying to put my hand up my ass. It never happened and I was sore for three days afterward, but it really got me to try and more and more often. As to this day I am still toy-less and haven't been able to get my own hand all the way in there but I still try from time to time. I keep telling myself that I will stop by one of the adult toy stores near my office (there are 3-4) and find myself a new one thats much bigger, but I worry about where to hide it at home. Oh well.

I would just like to say that I am so happy I found this site. I have looked for more than 15 years for others that shared my hobby, but it has always been so taboo in the straight community that no one really talks about it.

I have given K+ to you both. Stick around, Jimesole.